It's funny how a day that is so widely revered as a day of joy, happiness and love can also be the reason for mass suicides...Yesterday i spent my valentines day with some of the other remaining Long island social rejects. Where do singles go to find love on Feb. 14th??? I couldn't tell ya. But I'll tell you where they weren't..at the gym. It was truly a sad showing, complete with fat people on treadmills and out of shape wanna-be muscleheads like myself trying to avoid the romantic hell of the outside world. With every "rep" there was the hope of getting in better shape so that maybe next year our lives wont be such a disappointment, although we're probably just setting myself up for more disappointment. Yeah i know its sad... but so goes my life.
Here's a little tip from all the single people in the world to all the the happy couples or those people that don't know what its like being single on valentines day.... We dont only hate you, we wish a brutal and savage death upon you.... we're taking lord of the flies stuff- just an all out mass genocide, one that would make Hitler say- "Take it easy!" I've learned this as i have been single for quite a long time and am familiar with the plight of the lonesome and heavy hearted. We are bitter people and nothing outside of our own happiness is going to change that. Any single person that disagrees with this is either lying to you or hasn't been single that long. The truth of the matter is we'd wanna switch places with you in a second, even if its just for the day. But since we can't- let the deaths commence, St Valentines Day Masacre 2!! Valentines day is like kryptonite to our hearts, and our mental sanity... it just reminds us of how lonely and in most cases pathetic we truly are.
Just everything about the holiday is such nonsence. Cupid- the flying churibic angel of love...who shoots arrows!!!! Cuz nothing says peace ond love like friggen arrows!!WTF?? And flowers and chocolate- is that really a good barometer of how much you love someone? Like if i killed someone but gave him a piece of chocolate or a rose before i did it- does it siece to be considered a hate crime? ...But guys do it cuz somehow that symbolizes love. We're all guilty of it but its stupider than that Flavor FLav show. If you ask me the true test of how much you love someone is how you treat them. Not just on feb 14th andthe anniversary but the whole 365. But then again i'm in no place to be giving love advise..i dont even think i love myself.
But don't cry for me- thats not the intent of this entry. i just wanted to give an editorial on love from the other side. The dark side if you will, the side that you don't often hear about at the couples parties and the romantic brunches. Its just something for the lovey doveys to think about. Instead of stickin your tongue down ur significant others mouth take a good look at billy in the corner who is drowning himself in a puddle of his own tears. And he's not holding a toaster cuz he loves pop tarts.
Quotables: Why did Hitler comitt suicide????? He took 1 look at the gas bill. (funny but still a sensitive issue?- come on give me that)
