Swimmin with the Fishes

Well i'm back, but most of u guys probably didnt even know that i was gone. I know in my last entry i made no reference to it b/c it was kind of inpromptu. Well heres the story. Every summer my buddy Bert  goes away to cape cod for 2 weeks with his family and every year for as long as i can remember we always said we were gonna come up and visist. He always invites us almost half heartedly b/c i think he never expected us to take him up on it.. Well that all changed. He left on sunday of last week and i got a call from anthony a day later tellin me to pack my bags..we're goin to Cod!! It was supposed to be me, james, ant and his g./f meg but James backed out last minute..no worries though i had a good time anyway. When we called up bert i could hear the shock in his voice but to his credit he stood true to his word and welcomed us to come. On weds morning tony came to my house and the journey began...

It was a pretty lengthy drive altough anthony was weaving in and out of traffic like a sewing needle. We stopped a couple of times for piss breaks and food although  i didnt need to. For some reason i have the biggest bladder in the world and during the entire vacation i didnt even have to take a dump which leads me to believe i dont have a pulse. I mean i had some heavy duty (no pun intened)  food...1/4 pounders, seafood,  muffins, sandwiches, Wendys, the list goes on and on and not even a small ass nugget. Its crazy.. i was really thinkin about this and i had an epiphany..I barely talk, i dont go to the bathroom, and i look out of sorts 99% of the time...im a friggen walking zombie.

Anyway i thought i'd just share that little tidbit with y'all. SO we get there and it's beautiful!!! The house is right on the lake/pond!! It's amazing, he showed me pictures and told me stories but nothing and i mean nothing did it justice. it really has to be seen to be believed. The inside of the house itself was nice too but the surrouindings make it a million times better. The enviorment is just so peaceful, the type of enviorment that u'd go to write a novel or even to die. And there was so much cool stuff to do. The first day we went out there and just took a ride around the lake and we ended up swimmin with the fishes. Ordinarily that phrase would scare me to death (again no pun intended) but it was so surreal. We then did some fishing (i actuallty caught some nice lookin fish!) and even kyaked a little bit. i dont wanna bore everyone with my glee filled stories of the mini vacation but just know it was the best 2 day vacation i ever had and that includes atlantic city. I didnt wanna leave on friday but we had to, so it was a sad goodbye but it was def fun.. key things to mention "Booooooob", bert snoring agian, anthony being "a mary", the video, fire pit, stogies and bogies, the bog, and "row row row ur bert" !!! Good times. and a lot can be said about the people i went with. Anthony is a great kid, i always knew that but I never really knew ant's g/f megan. But from start to finish i definately enjoyed her company. I think anthony and meg make a cute couple and im happy for them, almost to the point of envy. i'll leave it at that.

Switching topics a little bit...work today was a nightmare. My first day back from vacation was hardly the welcome back i could have hoped for. 1 instructors called out sick and another 1 no showed, this left me in panic mode. I so didnt want to deal with calling parents and appologizing. I was like a pilot ready to jump out of plane, "fuck the passengers- i'm out". but i gutted it up and dealt with it. I got a free lunch out of it from my boss so it wasnt a total loss.

Self Survey

Those of you who have read this journal from the beginning already know all about my south oaks mentality but for those of u that dont, buckle up. A lot of people know me as this happy, "nicest to know" guy from levittown but every now and then i get down on myself.....not to the point where i contemplate suicide, but to the point where i feel i have to save myself from my own mental and physical suicide....i know thats hard to understand but i dont know how else to put it. I dont know why or what triggers my deep feelings of self loathing, but every month or so for about a day or two i lose it. I lose my sanity and feel like putting my own face on the dart board and taking aim. Today was one of those days. Metaphorically speaking I have a tornado of issues that swirl around me constantly. I always try to avoid them hoping they go away but they never do and eventually i get sucked into the frustration and its a long hard battle.  A battle that im not sure i ever truely win. Every month i lose a small piece of  myself. I feel like im fading away like that picture of michael j fox in back to the future and eventaully i'll just fade to the point where i never existed. I know that a major problem i have is that i have no confidence in my own self. I dont despise my life but i hate a lot of things about my life and wish i could make some changes. But thats really just the tip of the iceberg...i feel as if maybe i need a vacation or  something. Perhaps 1 day soon i'll go somewhere, just me. Not out of state or anything, just out of town, out of this house, out of familiar surroundings for a while..just to clear my head.  

In other news, me and bert went to jets training camp today. It was the first of many practices i hope to see in my days off from school. I def. had a good time but a lot of the big names weren't there or atleast not on the field. All and all it was fun though and i look forward to going again.

I was bored out of my mind the other day and i took one of those surveys that i used to always do in high school:                                    

Name: Cat /Catty bones
Birthplace: Hospital bed
Current Location: Wherever women are crying
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: cacasion skin and Brown on the sides
Height: 5'10 and 1/2, i'd be about 6'1 with an afro
Right Handed or Left Handed: Righty's do it right
Your Heritage: 100% Italian
The Shoes You Wore Today: New Balence, not very stylish    

Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOL which is used as "laugh out loud"- not "lots of laughs"- thats gayer than boy george
Thoughts First Waking Up: Shit..i gotta do this again
Your Best Physical Feature: I'm not sure i have one ..maybe my hats
Your Bedtime: Depends on the night and whats on TV
Your Most Missed Memory: I think i'll save that 1 for myself
Pepsi or Coke: I like Snapple
MacDonalds or Burger King: Burger King- gotta love the king!
Single or Group Dates: Group it up
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or Coffee: Hot choclate
Do you Smoke: Nope
Do you Swear: I swear i dont smoke
Do you Sing: I wouldnt call it singing but yeah
Do you Shower Daily: Yes
Have you Been in Love: Not really
Do you want to go to College: Been there, done that
Do you want to get Married: Eventually
Do you belive in yourself: Not really
Do you get Motion Sickness: No, id have to be on the move to get that 

Do you think you are Attractive: Not at all
Are you a Health Freak: not really
Do you get along with your Parents: Yes, my mom more so than my dad
Do you like Thunderstorms: Yeah it gives me an exuse to stay in
Do you play an Instrument: The man-jo
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: Yes siree Bob
In the past month have you Smoked: Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs: Nah
In the past month have you gone on a Date: See "do u think u are attractive"
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yea, I bought pretzels
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Nope, i like the choclate chips with the M& Ms
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Nope
In the past month have you been on Stage: I'm not gay
In the past month have you been Dumped: If you mean took a big shit- then yes
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Nah, but berts going on vacation lol j/k
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Borrowed without telling is more like it
Ever been Drunk: Only buzzed- i havent found my limit nore do i wanna
Ever been called a Tease: No
Ever been Beaten up: Everytime I go to the gym !!!!
Ever Shoplifted: Does it count if u worked there?
How do you want to Die: Quietly in my sleep, after banging my lady
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I want to be happy
What country would you most like to Visit: Italy 

Your Fears: I fear change
Your Perfect Pizza: Extra Cheese!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Get a job and make my new years resolution come true                                                                                         
                      In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Blue/Hazel
Favourite Hair Color: Dont really have 1, although blondes are said to have more fun
Short or Long Hair: Long but not down to the ass, thats like cave woman days
Height: Smaller than me - I dont do giants..midgets maybe lol
Weight: I like my woman to be no more than 7 kilograms
Best Clothing Style: the thong peeking out of the low ride jeans
Number of Drugs I have taken: Me? Nothing but advil
Number of CDs I own: Music is over rated
Number of Piercings: I like chix with belly rings- anything else is gravy/disgusting  - it can go either way
Number of Tattoos: lower back is nice- everything else is negotiable
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 2 or 3 big 1s

Not so Grad It's Over

School's fianlly out or atleast out for a while because i've officially graduated Hofstra!!! My last class ended pretty well, i had a presentation which definately wasn't my best but it was alright. We also had donuts and munchkins in honor of the last day so it was kind of a nice send off. I'm gonna miss it i think. Not the long boring hours of useless lecturing or the mountain of assignments for every class due on the same week..but more of the college atmosphere will be missed...Walking through the unispan, getting lunch at sbarros with gina, chilling in scotts car before going to class, summer session chats with gina and scott, and sitting in those comfy chairs in starr and doing the crossword puzzles. I learned a lot from going to college, more about myself than actual factual book knowledge. I learned that i can do a presentation without freaking out, i learned that when it comes to metting girls im a pussy but atleast i dont have stds, i learned that i can be smart while still finding time for tv and wrestling.. most importantly i learned that no education system in the world can uniformally teach  respect, love, pride and patience.. life it takes all kinds. These life lessons dont sound too exciting but i'm def going to remember everything i learned and im sure i'll miss it. As well as the few people i took the time to get to know.

So now i guess its time for me to step into the real world. I cant really see myself doing 9-5 shifts holding a briefcase and wearing a penguin suit but who knows- i might have to. I'm hopping to get a job with a secure company where i can make about 40K-50K a year while also going to school (and them paying for it). After i get my masters i'd like to def. get a much higher paying job, but we'll see what happens...1 step at a time.

The first step starts with me leaving saf-t-swim and although i probably wont miss the frustration of dealing with angry parents, long write-ups, and an office with no modern technology, i will miss the people...and the free gym membership!! Then i'll never get rid of this damn stubborn belly fat lol. Anyway, i havent given my 2 weeks notice yet i'll do that once i land a job and theres no telling how long that will take!! but i def.  want 1 by september!!!

For now it fun in the sun- it's time for me to actually enjoy the summer of X! I plan on going to mountain creek this sundaywith the boys and attending jets camp during the week (back to my alma mattar), perhaps AC, and even hitting up the beach. I'd even like to go bike riding if the sun doesnt burn a whole though my bike tires (Holy shit is it hot today or what). Its summer time and the livin is good!

I was thinking how awesoem the next couple of weeks are gonna be but then i realized....james is leaving for guatemala soon (god knows why, but im not askin questions), Mike is in florida, brad and gina are going to Busch Gardens, scotts prob gonna hang out with michelle, and berts prob going to be spending time with the 4headed monster..so ill prob be having a lot of ME time in the next few days. Not that i mind, i'll prob enjoy every second of it but now that i have no school i wouldnt have been opposed to going out..oh well.

If any1 cares- Over there- the new show on FX is phenominal!! it's one of the best shows behind rescue me, and entourage..also ultimate fighting is coming back! it will be on this sat at 9 on spike tv..watch it!