2 Weeks Notice

It's been kind of a long hard month for me up until now. I thought graduation would catapult me into a lucrative position at some big name, Fortune 500 company, however things are never as easy as they seem. Almost every night u could have found me on the computer sending out resumes to possible employers. I sent at least 10 a night to different companies. About a week ago i detailed my frustrations saying that i was at the end of my rope and that was the God's honest truth . I was going absolutely delerious. So much so that i popped a blood vessel in my eye becasue of all the stresss and aggrevation i caused myself.

Now im happy to report that i can put all that behind me b/c i landed my first full time job. It's not as lucrative as i had hoped for but its definately a start and i guess thats all i can ask for. Metaphorically speaking I havent been getting a lot of bites on my hook, so i guess i should be happy that i caught something rather than coming up with sea-weed again. If you don't know by now "The Big Day" was in reference to the job interview i had with Canon USA corporation. Its a reputable company with solid benefits and strong corporate image..and thats definately something that i wanted.

Lets back track for a second...Things are crazy at Saf-T-Swim right now. With Michelle (my boss) out for a while i have picked up more hours trying to be as helpful as i can to the company. When canon called me on monday and asked me to come in for an interview on that friday i jumped at the chance however i felt awful that i'd be leaving the company whis is already in crisis mode. Anyway with all the hours i have been pulling in at Saf-t-Swim i didnt really have time to think about the interview. So when Friday came i figured to be a mess but i was actually more anxious than nervous. I'm not going to go step by step through the interview b/c thats just too time consuming and i've done that already too many times. however i will say this.  i def. feel that i didnt "nail the interview", in fact at 1 point i'd say i really botched it up. I was caught off guard with a question and answered it in a rather stupid fashion but i guess all in all i did okj b/c they called me a few hrs later to inform me that i had recieved the job. So i'm waiting for my contract to be mailed to me then i start in a couple of weeks. I've already notified Saf-t-Swim  but i'm going to continue working 9-5's until my final days.

I don't know how long i'll work for canon, but i'm definately willing to spend some time there. I'm not the type to quit if i dont like it..i'll work at it until i get the hang of it. I'd like to spend the 1st year at my current position and then eventually work my way through-out the company. I'm fairly confident that i will work there for a while because they are going to help me pay for me masters degree and thats something that i'd really like to get. Hopefully it all works out according to the plan or better.

In other news: I took a six hour defensive driving course in Astoria queens on sat. I had to wake up at like 6:30, we (my family and i) left at 7 and the course ran from 8-2 with a few ten minute breaks. It sucked but hopefully it will pay off with a 10% reduction in car insurance. It was a Con-Edison meeting- only employees and their family could go - so i was stuck being introduced to random people. Best part of the day was when we left at 2 for lunch....Sal's Deli is amazingggg!!!

I like milk as much as the next guy...but i dont like it enough to drink a whole gallon. One of my friends, and i'm not going to say who (b/c its just embarassing), tried to do the impossible and drink a gallon of whole milk in 1 hr with out throwing up..and when i say "doing the impossible", i mean it. Its been proven by scientists and jackasses around the world. My friend guaranteed he could do it but in the end, needless to say he fell short.

Yesterday i woke up with one of the worse stiff necks i've ever had. I had a sharp shooting pain every time id make a quick move or move to far to the left. Everytime the pain hit me, id wince and give a small shriek... it was so god damn painful. Most of the day i was resting my head on my right shoulder. I felt like i was on a date with myself. Sadly it was 1 of the best dates i've ever had. My shoulder/neck still aches today even though i rubbed it down with bengay all day and took a few pain reliever pills. Thankfully the shooting pain is all gone but its at about 85% right now.

You know what i hate: People's away messages. I might have already mentiioned this but it still bites at my balls. I know I'm guilty of constantly changing my away message to something stupid...but what really pisses me off are the away messages that people try to get sympathy."another long day at work...i dont think i can make it", "my teacher's an asshole b/c..." or "finally enjoying a day off". Who caressss, really???? Nobody wants to hear ur sob stories. People listen to me when i say this, if ur away message isnt 1 word, or funny- then no1 cares what u have to say. Unless ur away message says "im being stabbed in the eye with a hawk's beek" im not going to even give it a second thought.

BIG DAY TOMMOROW

Near the end of my rope

"We all commit certain acts in our lives of an unsavery nature, some bad, some worse, some unspeakable. Sometimes we suffer in silence, sometimes we seek redemption. For hes got what he wanted but in obtaining salvation there is a price that must be paid...one must give up a bit of one's self. The road...or the end of the road as it is written may not be the beacon of rightgeousness in which was invisoned. The glowing light at the end of tunnel may  not be what was expected. It just might be some horribly disfigured , fun-house reflection of our own inner dreams."

I remember hearing that poem way back in the day and for whatever reason i was able to remember it,  i probably fudged it up somehow cuz i dont think thats word for word, but thats pretty damn close. I don't know why i bothered to even remember it nore do i know why it's still fresh in my head years after i originally heard it...however, whenever i have a dark day- i reflect and this poem usually springs to mind and kind of inspires me to write my own morbid, self loathing poem.

As of late i have been having quite a bit of dark days both personally and professionally. Too many reasons to count, too many emotions running high. I  feel like i'm breaking down a little bit and pretty soon im just gonna go head first and crash. I can only remember me being like this once before and it was years and years go...prob about the time i broke up with jen and i was in up to my elbows in crazy shit.i obviously did get through that rough patch, although i had a little help from a now fallen angel. But now i'm giving it a go solo and i know i have plenty of shoulders to cry on if need be- but i choose not to. Its my path of choice... Obviously i'm not telling every1 my problems for a reason- cuz they're my problems.

I'm really looking forward to an off day on sunday just to be able to re-examine my entire situation. I need a day to kick my feet up and just think cuz I'm obviously not happy right now and that shouldnt be. My heads been spinning like a friggen draddle during the 1st night of chanukah and i'd like to find a way to ground myself.  Cuz as of late i've been testy, edgy and down right esplosive at times and i know thats not the real me- just 1 thats stressed out to the max. (By the way: im sweating like a hooker in church right now- its so fucking hot. I thought the basement was supposed to be the coolest place in the house- def not the case tonite.)

Anyway- switching topics a little bit...I dont wanna seem like a bitch..i know i've complained on this medium since i started it last year but i really dont think im that much of a complainer. Atleast i try not to be but Saturdays suck balls at Saf-t-Swim!!! We're talking big, huge, hairry balls here...not like the marbles u put in ur mouth when u were a kid- its more like a bufallo's balls.... First off i think its a conspiracy that every1 and i do mean every1 in the office pushes the worst parents to saturdays for me and angelica to deal with...couple that with the most inconsistant and unreliable instructors, plus an assistant manager who doesnt assist or manage, and that spells chaos. I am 22 years old but i feel like im going to be 73 b/c this place is the fucking death of me. Never in my life did i ever envy Notorious B.I.G. until today... b/c on the ride home from work I was praying for 20 bullets to hit the driver side of my thunderbird. Biggie's a lucky bastard if u ask me.

Alright thats about all i can muster up for now- hopefully the jets win tomorrow and put a smile on my face for atleast a little while.

Fireworx & Bottle Rockets

Last night was somewhat of a wild/crazy night for me. It didn't involve police, prostitutes, or a chainsaw so i guess it wasnt THAT crazy- but it certianly was eventful.

It started off like a typical sat night, with our weekly game of phone tag... i was all dressed up with nowhere to go. I was ready to throw in the towel, turn on the tv, and slip into bed until i got a call from Bert inviting me over to his joint. So scott and i went to Bert's house where James, Wildes, Dan from the movie theater and Samantha were already there. It started out nice, we were eating hotdogs and drinkin a little bit but thenreal fire works happened once the fire pit was lit.

GLASS JAW: So we're chillin around the fire- eatin 'mellows and bullshittin when all of a sudden Dan starts writting on the bricks with his wooden stick Then i get into the act and write down "kara" on the bricks and before i know it, without warning BOOM! I get nailed in the face with a beer bottle. Bert threw the bottle and it landed right on my kisser. I immediately checked on my chompers to make sure they were all intact, luckily they were..the front one is alittle lose though. The only thing is i had a bloody/fat lip. Every1 said that they couldnt believe i didn't flip out and to be honest i'm a little surprised i didnt too. I know i probably was out of line with what i wrote but it def.didn't warrant 16 ounces of  furry being propelled at my face. Had that thing shattered it could have been really dangerous. I think the reason i didnt flip out is b/c it's Bert. He's not a mean guy, i know he felt bad as soon as it hit me..plus he was drinken and we all know what happens when Bert drinks the kool-aid. So its fine, plus bert has taken quite a bit of abuse in the past so he gets more slack than others. Oh and im a pussy thats why lol.

After the bottle rocket, things returned back to normality for a little while until Dan got a call from Romeo. Romeo is a blast from my past- some1 i never really warmed up to and i have a feeling the only way i would warm up to him is if he was on fire. But Dan invited him to come to Berts house and of course he comes and sits right next to me. I had to get up- i couldnt even sit next to this kid. He's so god damn cocky and he has no reason to be. So i tried to ignore hm and have a good time. People were wrestling bert, throwing things in thefire and doing other pranks until romeo, dan and wildes left.

The Great Debate: So i was a little pissed off for much of the night. Partly cuz my lip was swollen and partly cuz romeo came, and really a host of other things in my personal life. Then things got really fired up when the permanent seatings issue was some how brought up by james. For those of u who dont know- its a long story that goes back a couple of years- or decades ago if u know what happend to rosa parks. But  the end result is that i feel/felt i got fucked over by a few of my friends. It was one of the most upsetting nites i've ever had and its one of those things where u forgive but never forget.

But anyway i really didnt want to get in to it...well i shouldnt say that- i would never have brought it up..in the past its been mentioned and im like "yeah ok whatever lets not get into it" but if u dig and dig eventually ur gonna find a root..and james hit the root of an old problem and i had no qualms tellin him exactly where i stood on that issue. we had a long exchange and things got pretty heated and perhaps down right uncomfortable at times...like when i was screaming "fuck u" at 3:30 am. But i am passionate about the subject. there are very few things that i feel are worth flippin out about and this was one of them. I stand behind everything i said a couple of years ago and i stand by what i said last nite. So i said what i felt i needed to say, and so did he- he didnt change my opinion and sadly i dont think i changed his- so thats it. We shook hands and settled it like adults.

Believe it or not- that wasnt the only action of the nite. James was obviously effected by our debate and he called Bert a piece of shit...and Bert lost it. He flipped out throwing a chair and eventually throwing the chair in the pool. But by the end of the night everything was smoothed over and it was an interesting nite to say the least.

Ground Zero: I cant help but feel the need to write a little something about 9/11 since it just past. I still get upset when i think of the shit that went down 4 years ago. THe patrioism and the the love for the police and firefighters have worn away for a lot of people but i still have an enormous amount of respect for the country and the people the fight to protect us. I hope nothing like ground zero ever happens again although i have my doubts..i just hope we are better prepared. I feel this country has rebounded off of this disaster pretty well and i feel we will rebound from Huricane Katrina. My thoughts and prayers go out to all that were effected by both tragedies.

In a personal matter- My uncle is going for his cancer treatment today and i'm very concerned. I know he'll be ok- im very optimistic he'll makea full recovery but i know its a long hard battle and thats whats upsetting.

Here Comes The Pain (part 2)

It's been mounting, and i've been dealing with it but buckle up cuz here it comes. I really didnt want to lose my cool and get pissed off but i'm left with no other options. As i mentioned in my last update- im still without a job and without a direction and i guesss that i am to blame for most of it but im not gonna sit here and throw stones at myself..no whats the point in that??? Instead I'm about to say my piece on whats grinding my gears and pullin my chain and whatever other hackneyed cliche out their.. This jounral is about everything going on in the job market and just about everything else....

First of all, had i known then what i known now i would NEVER be a marketing major. NEVER EVER EVER! When i decided to be a marketing major i had hopes of doing advertising or customer retention shit but its simply not offered or not available for entry level workers.. the only thing out there is for a fucking salesmen.. And I'm not knocking that job- if thats for u then fine, enjoy ur comission!!! but i personally didnt go to school so i can put trashy people in a Chevy Caprice. You dont even need a friggen degree for sales jobs, all u have to do is to tell people what they wanna hear and leave out what they dont need to know. Just spoon feed them the bullshit until it dribbles out their mouth and they cant swallow anymore... At Saf-t-Swim i rock that shit b/c i know people dont wanna know that their kid can drown at any given second, or if they dont like the program they aint getting their money back..i tell them that its a learneing experience which will be beneficial in the long run..its more of an investment then a purchase. its all about dangling the carrot and seeing how long it will take for them to go 4 it.

But back to the matters at hand- I've been applying for jobs like crazy, trying to sell myself to companies like i'm a corporate prostitue or somthing...and i havent gotten shit, not even a whistle. I called up my old stomping grounds HOFSTRA, to see what they can do 4 me and they turned me away like i wasgod damn  bin laden asking for nuclear arms. Its bullshit. I graduated not even a full month ago and now they push me away. Fuck that. I'm about to write 1 fucking nasty e-mail..no check that- f-mail to the career center. It's not easy going to school, maintaining a gpa above 3.0 whileworking over 20 hours a week and finding a job. So excuse me if i held off on employment oppurtunities until after i graduated. But I definately plan on going to their career fair whether they like it or not and they definately lost out on me going to them for grad school.

The real thing that ruffles my feathers metaphorically speaking of course, is that I dont understand why i havent gotten a call back yet though- i speak english, im not a cross dresser or a freak, im articulate and well mannnered, im a hard worker with a decent GPA and i dont cause trouble. I'd figure i'd be a friggen wet dream for most employers who deal with the nutty, bizzare, 1 -step from being a psychopathic homicidal mass murderer guy that works down the hall. But i guess in the new age of hiring im at a disadvantage. I'm a male and im white- thats an automatic 2 strikes. Every company has to be P.C. so if they are gonna get some1 straight out of college why not opt for the 1 legged chick with a hump on her back with warts on her nose..."gotta be pc- can';t have a lawsuit on her hands". It irks the shit out of me. Why not have the best people get the best jobs. If that gothic chick wants to dress like that have her start her own freakshow company, dont hire her to be the new spokesperson for irish spring soap- she doesnt deserve it!! It always happens, im not saying descriminate based on looks but u gotta really feel people out and sometimes u just know based on looks, sometimes u need to dig deeper.

Another thing thats got my undies in a bunch is cancer. This fucking thing is just out of control. It seems like its everywhere- more abundant than aids. My uncle Bill is set to go for  treatment on the cancerous lump on his troat. Hes gotta do the radiation and the whole deal. It's the real thing, the "big casino". I get emotional just thinking about it. My poor uncle is such a nice man and he doesnt deserve this shit- no 1 does. If i wasnt too busy praying to God that he gets better- i'd give him the middle finger for allowing my uncle to go through this shit.

Another tragedy happened to my family two days ago. My uncle Petey (on my mom's side) passed away. I'm going to his wake tonite as a matter of fact. He wasnt feeling well for a while but he lived a good long life. He was always joking around and having fun- im gonna miss him- even though i didnt see him much.

Huricane Katrina- As my friend mike would say "aint that some shit." It's really amazing what mother nature can do. those poor souls are suffering and they lost everything- and they are the lucky ones cause they survived. its good to see that people are donating and pitchingin- even i donated a little bit to try and help out..i think i may donate a little each week.  I'm not as heartless as some people think.

Part 1

The S-o-X has finally been put to rest but it really wasnt everything i had hoped it would be. The major disappointment is the fact that i still dont have a full time job...i feel like i graduated college only to fail in real life. Everyone else i know is going back to school or their jobs and i'm left here doing absolutely nothing. I really didnt think it would be this hard to land a full time job. I figured big companies would have room for low income graduates but that doesnt seem to be the case. Now with Katrina thier are going to be even fewer jobs in the marketing field  for entry level grads.

The best offer i recieved was to sell life insurance for new york life.... and thats really not what i dreamed i'd be doing. I was this close to accepting it too but my dad doesn't want me to settle so quickly..but i cant stay mooching off my parents forever. I need a job for money as well as my sanity. Ideally i'd like a job with a fair salary, full benefits and most importantly a tuition reimbersement plan b/c i do plan on going to grad school. I'd stay at the job for 3-4 yrs until i get my degree then i'd re-assess my situation.