I give my friends a lot of credit b/c I realize that holding down a conversation with me is no simple task. Sometimes I have trouble expressing myself verbally and others times i just don't have anything to say. So 1 on 1 chats with me can be more one-sided than a Tyson fight. I try and add my 2 cents whenever possible but i still feel its never enough . I guess i'm kind of a human fortune cookie in a way b/c I have little tidbits of wisdom which i share with people but never fully elaborate on. That's why this journal thingy is so great- it gives me a chance to speak on things. I know I've kinda been slackin a little but that's a direct result of lack of time and material. However i now have an abundance of both- so lets get down and dirty.
"He who fails to plan, should plan to fail" - I've always loved this quote b/c its a philosophy i subscribe to. I'm a planner. I plan everything from my daily chores to my retirement. ie-When its cold out i bring a jacket and gloves, when i don't know where i'm going i get there extra early, I even have quarters tucked away in my wallet- just in case. i liked to be prepared for anything and everything. I guess i kinda look at things on a grand scale. I don't wanna brag but i feel like i have the ability and foresight to see the big picture. That's the gift God gave me-(yeah thanks GOD!! I couldn't be great at basketball or crazy intelligent- no this is my gift). I am grateful though b/c i know a lot of people have it in fact some people scoff at my beliefs. They like to live day to day and minute by minute. As i said before i sketch things out and look at the big picture- these people take it piece by piece and paint by numbers. It really fascinates me/boggles my mind. I'm not saying i'm better than them- i'm just saying that we are on totally different frequencies. My friend recently blasted me for lacking spontaneity and he's right. I'm more predictable than a Hollywood break up but u know what i don't care. My ex girlfriend did but i dont!!! I'd rather be prepared for my future than wondering what tomorrow will bring. He's great though- he's living life to the fullest and he's got dreams and aspirations that make Bill Gates jealous. I guess the reason i am so future oriented is b/c i still haven't figured out what i want to do with my life. Yeah im doing ok for now but i dont know if i'm going to work for Canon my whole life. I'm just bulding a foundation...My friend knows what he wants to do and he knows there is plenty of money there for him so that's prob why hes so care free. He recently went on rant about how hes organizing a road trip cross country. He's going to buy a bus, pimp it out and hit the highway...That's something I'd never do for the sole reason- its not financially smart. We had a long chat and i told him my concerns- he's aware of them all and he still wants to do it. The only thing i can say to that is that i wish him him. It's been a dream of his and if he can make it a reality than thats fantastic. My only dream was to be a pro wrestler and that dream died about the same time Owen Hart did. I traded in my dreams for a cubicle and number 2 pencils..but i'm doing fine.
My self esteem is making a slow climb towards normality. I've been puttering on empty for almost four years now but all it took were a few compliments and now im cruising. I dont know why but these things always seem to happen in bunches- and btw..when did the word "bunches" become gay??? I got crucified for saying that word but u know what- im gonna keep saying b/c its a fun word....bunches of fun....anyway i remember working at k-mart and having a little fan club but its been years since then. And i think time has def hurt me more than it has helped. So I really dont know whats going on- im waiting for ashton kutcher to pop out and act all stupid that way things can get back to what im used to. But i hope something good comes out of it.
Things at Canon are going well. Last Thursday was Secret Santa day..i know it sounds a bit on the homosexual side but it wasn't too bad. It was equipped with FREE pizza (multiple toppings available) and Starbucks!! Plus we also had free cake!! it was most enjoyable. Little FYi- apparently secret santa means don't put your name on the card..it's supposed to be a mystery- i didnt know that. This coming thursday is another holiday party with homemade dishes- so i'm gonna have to enlist my bro to cook up something good.
Well thats enough for today- i have so much more to say but i'll save it for another time.
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