Uncle Phil

There truely is no Good in goodbye....only tears and sadness. The past few days have been just that...actually they've been more than that, they have been without a doubt the worst days of my life.

My Uncle Phillup was an amazing man. His smile could light up a room and his personality was warm an inviting. He was a big kid - always playful, always joking around. If u knew him- u loved him...He was impossible to hate. That's why i know the next few weeks, months, and even years will be extremely difficult and incomplete now that he has passed away. I'll miss him more than he'll ever know- more than anyone will ever know. No matter what i say or write- u still can't grasp how much this man meant to me.  I kick myself for all the things i never did and all the things i never told him....now it's too late.

 It's been a week of unimaginable pain, inconsolable sorrows and unbelievable heartache. I feel as if there is an emptiness that looms around me as well as a void inside of me. I don't cry often but i feel no shame in telling u that the past few days i've cried more than i ever thought possible. I was a snotty, buggary, blubbering mess and something tells me the tears arent gone yet. I guess i was blessed the past 22 years without ever experiencing a loss of this magnitude. But somehow u're never prepared for it. He was only 60 years old and he passed away from a suspected heart attack as he was raking leaves. Its still hard to look at those words and not have my eyes well up with tears.

When i said Big things in '06 i never envisioned this. It only took 9 days for 2006 to beome the worst year of my life....I just want to say- I love you Uncle Phil...I loved u so so much. I'll never forget you.

I'll write more when i feel up to it.