On the Brink

The majority of my weeknigths are spent relaxing.. You wont find me working on the house, mowing the lawn or mountains climbing. Nope, i'll gladly leave that shit for the weekend. The weeknites are basically filled with filler fun...Wether i'm watching wrestling, the yankees, Rescue me..or rocking out to some gay techno song while doing my bills...its just something to help wind down from the 8 hr workday. Another fun "activity" that i like to partake in is being online. So aside from being a couch potato im also a mouse potato. I'm a MasterTator what can i say. But, its just a way to get that beloved and oh so coveted R&R. So just about the last thing i want to do is be involved in a strenuous activity or conversation b4 i hit the sheets. Last nite.. i was invovled in a heavy conversation that made me scratch my head like a circuis chimp with head lice and misquito bites. It's the age old euthanasia question..to pull the plug or to not pull the plug. I'll be honest its not so much the conversation i had with my friend,  as it was my mind wondering whats the right and wrong thing to do. Do u wanna keep them for selfish reasons or do u pull the plug and give up on all hope. Its a tough spot to be in and i hope none of us are ever in that spot.... but what if. I'm not gonna go all steven king on u- u can paint ur own picture....but its worth thinking about.

I'd like to go outside the box for a moment and comment on some of the recent headlines..For one the Christy Brinkley divorce. First of all- this is what, her 4th broken marriage? This isnt exactly front page stuff anymore... but since its gotten so much attention- allow me to induldge. Christy Brinkley is a beautiful woman. She's like 50 and she still looks like the young uptown girl Billy Joel wrote a song about during 1 of his many drunken nites. They were married for 10 years and have a child (sailor).  So naturally everyone is asking the question what was this Cook guy thinking....Well, as you all know, im a pretty decent guy..and i not only respect the sanctity of marriage..i respect the sanctity of a relationship..and i dont believe i'd ever cheat on any girl- even if i hated them. But... i mean have u seen this girl ?? She's friggen hotter than that heatwave we just had! She's more than half Christy's age and an aspiring pop singer...this big headed goofball could have been bangin the next Britney Spears!!..girls feel free to roll ur eyes but this little tidbit weighs mighty heavily on the pros and cons list. now again, i dont agree with the whole cheating thing but i def. could understand what he was thinking... hell i think the majority of guys can.. but in the end he got caught with his hands in the cookie jar- and im glad. The world sees him as a dog and he'll probably lose quite a bit of money in the divorce..thats a pretty expensive piece of ass..but again..Have u seen this chick??? lol

But i shouldnt comment on juggling 2 girls- finding/holding 1 seems to be enough of a problem for me. It must be my standards are just too high. I guess normalcy is too much to ask for now adays lol. 

I bumped into my ex g/f a little over a week ago and we caught up over a slice of pizza. Little weird at first but after a whle it felt like old times...not that i was madly in love with her or anything remotely close to that- but it felt relaxed..and i could be myself- its been a while since i felt that with some1 other than my friends. I guess cuz we spent close to 2 years together so we got all the awkward moments out of the way then.  But..yeaah we caught up and it was good times. Havent spoke to her since. Also Umbertos looks like they make an amazing calzone..beware of it. Has any1 tried that new new pizza place?? the one that used to be around the clock deli..im dying to give that a whirl.

Something else worth noting is that i have recently been turned on to a stranger's blog who has been going through a similar situation as Ms Brinkley..her husband was caught cheating on her with....dun dun dun dun her best friend! Yeah, so this woman has been figthing back big time!!! Her 1st course of action was to buy a huge billboard (with their joint bank account) and hoist it up in front of their apartment..cool shit i saw the pics.. then she handed out wine to homeless people (he was a wine collector), then she waived all his fantasy baseball players, and she handed out fleyers on the streets alerting all those in the neighborhood to watch out for her ex. Shes not through yet either...everyday its something new..a really interesting/humorous read, unlike this flub u guys are reading. Check it out: That Girl Emily.

Failure to Launch

"As one door closes, another 1 opens.". or atleast that's how the saying goes. For the most part i really havent found that to be the case..however..recently..it seems to apply. Of course i'm talking about Nikki..Why wouldn't i be?? She's been the source of my journal entries for almost a year now. I know i kind of left things a little ambiguous in my last entry so i'd like to unblurr the line a little bit. 

 First, let me just say that i know a lot of my friends didnt really like her/warm up to her and for that i dont know why. Even people at work who never met her - HATED her just cuz of some of the stories i'd say..and to be honest... i didnt care. Honestly  i was determined to give it my all- cuz i thought she was something special... She is a nice girl whose caring and fun to be around...for the most part and i liked her A LOT. Again, i dont know why she wasnt accepted right away but i guess it worked out for the best.

The thing is- me and Nikk never really connected. In my opinion i feel like she really wasnt even open to the idea to begin with. At first i thought i was the problem..i was away from the game for a long time and i thought maybe i forgot how to play...and she kinda blamed it on me saying i acted weird around her..but as time elapsed i realized that she was the 1 acting weird and i didnt know how to react to that... but eventually it came clear to me that she was still hung up on her ex b/f and may have kind of used me as a tool to get him jealous. Now that might sound fucked up... but.. if i knew that going into it..i still would have signed for it. It was a shot to be with the girl who i adored for over a year- how could i pass that up? So whatever..  we gave it a shot..there was some fighting which i still cant explain, some uncomfortable moments, and some good times which were peppered in to keep my hopes and dreams alive. Once the cruise came i hoped for an answer..

Let me just say that the Cruise was my saving grace...it was my Triumph. I wouldn't change one second, one emotion, or 1 breath... b/c in the end...yeah, I got my answer..although not from her.  I kinda figured it out..reluctantly but i figured it out (with some help) and by the time we were in Miami i knew what had to be done...i wanted to salvage a friendship though.....cuz even though we would never work as a couple i felt like as friends we did have something.

So as friends we still talked for about a week..things were cool. Then suddenly i heard that she was back with her ex b/f...not that i cared.. im happy. Im happy that shes happy- im happy im off the hook. im happy on several levels.  I mean it when i say- not an ounce of jealousy or resentment...All smiles..so we're friends right? No more calling everyday, no more awkward moments- just casual friends. So yeah..i see her at berts bash, go to her birthday and things are fine. Then she calls me one night when im at saf-t-swim working out..and as i do what i do with all my friends.. i dont call back. LOL- Welcome to thunder dome bitch..haha- i dunno why i inserted that there but i like it...Anyway, apparently this doesnt fly in Nikki's world..she accuses me of being jealous and not being able to handle this and she says im resisting the friendship or whatever. So rather than call her back and get into a fight- im just letting it be. I dont wanna squabble over this- thats not what im about. Im mr non-confrontational....and aside from being "the worst dart player here" i'm also pretty easy to get along with. so if ur in a fight with me- odds are that u wanted it that way. So yeah- if i see her and she wants to talk it out thats cool.. or if she calls me and wants to talk it out- cool..but i wont call her and i wont fight with her- thats not what its about.

So that's that.... and through it all I feel like i handled the whole situation with quite a bit of maturity.. i dont think a lot of guys in my situation could have dealt with what i did and recovered as well. Maybe i acted like a sucker and put myself in an unhealthy situation to begin with and maybe i should have gotten the hint quicker BUT thats not the point. I think i eventually folded my hand and was able to get up and leave the table with dignity. Obviously i had some good friends to help me, so thanx again for that...and insert Ash....I dont have a good "mack game"... i dont have any game...I just happened to be fortunate to be in the right place at the right time..it also doesnt hurt when u have friends who help pimp u out. haha- But yeah..Bert and Kara introduced me to kara's roomate at school  Ash..and i couldnt be more grateful.. and remember when i said i wouldnt change a thing that happened on the cruise.. well this is another reason..i dont know if i would have been introduced to ash, if kar and bert didnt feel bad for me lol.

Ash is awesome...she's sweet, shes adorable , shes a good speller, shes fun,...shes everything in 1. Shes very very very pretty too! I dont wanna gushhh cuz i did that with nikk in the beginning too and we all know how that turned out..but i think Ash is different. Im not saying wedding bells or anything like that but shes seems like the nicest person ever and i think a good personality is very attractive. The only thing is that she lives in jerz and thats somewhat  problematic considering i wont drive to dairy-barn cuz its "so out of the way" lol. But for her  (I dont want to jinx it but) i think id be willing to give it a shot. We'll def start slow and see how it goes but...so far no complaints at all.

Oh i almost forgot the significance of the title..the first and only movie nikki and i saw was failure to launch..which is kind of ironic cuz that summarizes our relationshit...then i was talking to Ash yesterday and she said she was going to stay home and watch a movie...Failure to launch..it just got me thinking how things come full circle. I'm more optimistic this time around.