"As one door closes, another 1 opens.". or atleast that's how the saying goes. For the most part i really havent found that to be the case..however..recently..it seems to apply. Of course i'm talking about Nikki..Why wouldn't i be?? She's been the source of my journal entries for almost a year now. I know i kind of left things a little ambiguous in my last entry so i'd like to unblurr the line a little bit.
First, let me just say that i know a lot of my friends didnt really like her/warm up to her and for that i dont know why. Even people at work who never met her - HATED her just cuz of some of the stories i'd say..and to be honest... i didnt care. Honestly i was determined to give it my all- cuz i thought she was something special... She is a nice girl whose caring and fun to be around...for the most part and i liked her A LOT. Again, i dont know why she wasnt accepted right away but i guess it worked out for the best.
The thing is- me and Nikk never really connected. In my opinion i feel like she really wasnt even open to the idea to begin with. At first i thought i was the problem..i was away from the game for a long time and i thought maybe i forgot how to play...and she kinda blamed it on me saying i acted weird around her..but as time elapsed i realized that she was the 1 acting weird and i didnt know how to react to that... but eventually it came clear to me that she was still hung up on her ex b/f and may have kind of used me as a tool to get him jealous. Now that might sound fucked up... but.. if i knew that going into it..i still would have signed for it. It was a shot to be with the girl who i adored for over a year- how could i pass that up? So whatever.. we gave it a shot..there was some fighting which i still cant explain, some uncomfortable moments, and some good times which were peppered in to keep my hopes and dreams alive. Once the cruise came i hoped for an answer..
Let me just say that the Cruise was my saving grace...it was my Triumph. I wouldn't change one second, one emotion, or 1 breath... b/c in the end...yeah, I got my answer..although not from her. I kinda figured it out..reluctantly but i figured it out (with some help) and by the time we were in Miami i knew what had to be done...i wanted to salvage a friendship though.....cuz even though we would never work as a couple i felt like as friends we did have something.
So as friends we still talked for about a week..things were cool. Then suddenly i heard that she was back with her ex b/f...not that i cared.. im happy. Im happy that shes happy- im happy im off the hook. im happy on several levels. I mean it when i say- not an ounce of jealousy or resentment...All smiles..so we're friends right? No more calling everyday, no more awkward moments- just casual friends. So yeah..i see her at berts bash, go to her birthday and things are fine. Then she calls me one night when im at saf-t-swim working out..and as i do what i do with all my friends.. i dont call back. LOL- Welcome to thunder dome bitch..haha- i dunno why i inserted that there but i like it...Anyway, apparently this doesnt fly in Nikki's world..she accuses me of being jealous and not being able to handle this and she says im resisting the friendship or whatever. So rather than call her back and get into a fight- im just letting it be. I dont wanna squabble over this- thats not what im about. Im mr non-confrontational....and aside from being "the worst dart player here" i'm also pretty easy to get along with. so if ur in a fight with me- odds are that u wanted it that way. So yeah- if i see her and she wants to talk it out thats cool.. or if she calls me and wants to talk it out- cool..but i wont call her and i wont fight with her- thats not what its about.
So that's that.... and through it all I feel like i handled the whole situation with quite a bit of maturity.. i dont think a lot of guys in my situation could have dealt with what i did and recovered as well. Maybe i acted like a sucker and put myself in an unhealthy situation to begin with and maybe i should have gotten the hint quicker BUT thats not the point. I think i eventually folded my hand and was able to get up and leave the table with dignity. Obviously i had some good friends to help me, so thanx again for that...and insert Ash....I dont have a good "mack game"... i dont have any game...I just happened to be fortunate to be in the right place at the right time..it also doesnt hurt when u have friends who help pimp u out. haha- But yeah..Bert and Kara introduced me to kara's roomate at school Ash..and i couldnt be more grateful.. and remember when i said i wouldnt change a thing that happened on the cruise.. well this is another reason..i dont know if i would have been introduced to ash, if kar and bert didnt feel bad for me lol.
Ash is awesome...she's sweet, shes adorable , shes a good speller, shes fun,...shes everything in 1. Shes very very very pretty too! I dont wanna gushhh cuz i did that with nikk in the beginning too and we all know how that turned out..but i think Ash is different. Im not saying wedding bells or anything like that but shes seems like the nicest person ever and i think a good personality is very attractive. The only thing is that she lives in jerz and thats somewhat problematic considering i wont drive to dairy-barn cuz its "so out of the way" lol. But for her (I dont want to jinx it but) i think id be willing to give it a shot. We'll def start slow and see how it goes but...so far no complaints at all.
Oh i almost forgot the significance of the title..the first and only movie nikki and i saw was failure to launch..which is kind of ironic cuz that summarizes our relationshit...then i was talking to Ash yesterday and she said she was going to stay home and watch a movie...Failure to launch..it just got me thinking how things come full circle. I'm more optimistic this time around.
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