Gray skies are going to clear out...

After over a month of doom and gloom, I'm starting to turn the corner. And it's about time, things weren't looking good for quite a while. My house keeper was all set to call Mary-Kate Olsen. I'm just kidding, i don't really have a house keeper... but the situation was no joke... I was seriously getting concerned. I would just notice my bottom lip start to creep up and fold over, out of nowhere. I'd pout around the house, in private, and even at times at work. FYI- The puppy dog face might be cute when you're a kid, but isn't so cute when your a bald, 25 year old pencil pusher.

I spent hours (no joke) walking in my old foot steps. Alone with my thoughts... just me, the winter chill, and after a while, a security guard telling me to go home. I left in no better shape than when i started..which is disappointing b/c u would think I could have lost a few pounds...but more importantly- mentally i had no answers. It's hard to find the answers when you don't even know the questions.  I feel like I was doing all the right things, but I was saddled with the guilt of a serial killer. Its hard to explain, but to those that have been through it- they know what I'm talkin about.. its like you are on the right track, just on the wrong train.

I decided to try and make a few changes. I always try to improve myself, but after a while I fall back into the comfort zone. I was a stones throw away form making a HUGE change.... but much like my dream of becoming a pro wrestler.... it wasn't meant to be. I'm still flirting with making a power play... but we'll see what happens. For now I think i should just look into making summer vacation plans. i need something to look forward to.

I think the real catalyst for the mood change has been the weather. Spring fever is in full effect. It is almost miraculous what a little sunshine can do to one's spirits.  I decided to start walking during my lunch break to try and spice up my daily grind and I highly recommend it.

Speaking of recomending, I highly recomend the movie "Forgetting Sarah Marshall".  This movie is hilarious, the girls are hot, and besides all that..who doesnt love a good puppet show? Best movie since Juno.

Every so often I get into a rut. I wake up with a frown and like a bad case of herpes I can't seem to shake it. I know i've written about it thousands of times before, but once again its back... I don't know how, why, and when it happens, its just a cycle that has continued from even my earliest of days.

I've given up trying to find answers, I just accept it as part of my dimented DNA. So in attempt to improve, i've been trying to surround myself with things that make me happy...food,  music, yankee baseball.... but so far-  balls. I've secluded myself from the rest of civilization in an attempt to de-funkify myself. I know being around a downer isn't fun so im doing my damn-dest to chipper up.

Anyway, on Friday my buddy from Canon sent over a goodbye email. I was really shocked by it. I hadn't seen him much since he transferred to another position about 1.5 years ago. He was a smart, self motivated employee. But above all us, he was a good friend. I'd look forward to christmas parties and other staff meetings in which I knew I could catch up with him. There was a time when I went to him for advice and he went above and beyond to help me out. So i'm gonna mis him... but thats also got me thinking about my current positoin and maybe its time for me to start making some changes. Finally take the GMATS, get back to school... get a new job... who knows..

One certain change is my home life. My brother will be getting out soon. and i say that like its a prison here, and at times it is, but for the most part it isnt too bad. Anyway, Frank is gettin married  in June and then he's peacing out. I think hes not going too far which is good news for me b/c I might need to somwehere to stay. Plus papa Cats is retiring sooner rather than later (also in June) so i have begun casually apartment shopping. It would kill me to get an apartment but I think i'd be happier with a change of scenery. It's another who knows.