Sucks and the Shitty

 I saw the "Sex and the City" preview last night and I would like to take the time to offer a fair and impartial review from the male perspecitve. If you do intend to see the movie you may not wish to read on as I will be providing some spoilers as I critique this 2 and a hour hour love saga and the entire cast of characters.

 

For those of you that don't know, the Sex and the City movie is based off of the HBO original series. Little known fact, the original name for the show was supposed to be "Celebrity Mole" obviously referring to the 2 huge growths on Kim Catrell and Sarah Jessica Parker's face, but ABC already had the rights to the name and so Sex and the City was born. The show is about a friendship between 4 middle to upper aged women and their lives in NYC.

 

I have to confess I used to watch the series when it first came on TV. A show with such a provacative name on a cable station that pumps out more hits than Springstien was enticing to me. But as I watched each week I was more and more disappointed. I gave up on the show within it's first season. However I would watch occassionally due to all the hype around it, just to see if i had made a mistake. I never quite understood the appeal though, so last night I watched the movie with the hopes of finally understanding... and after 2 and a half hours I can honestly say I now understand.... Women just do not know what comedy is.

 

In all fairness, the movie was not awful. It was easy to follow and you didnt need to watch every episode to get it....which is a good thing. If you liked the movie "baby mama".. you will most likely love this flick. It obviously caters towards women, but the humor (and I use the term loosely) is all focused around shoes, closet space and cheezy 1 liners. The funniest part revolved around the always funny poop in the pants scene. But as I mentioned its 2 and a half hours, so if you think the show was slow moving... dont watch the movie... every second feels like an eternity. On the flip side though, if you liked the show you should see it.. and then adopt a monkey... b/c your life sucks.

 

Sarah Jessica Parker / Carrie Bradshaw- "SJP has a face like a foot" was a line that I think originally stemmed from Family Guy and I couldnt help think that throughout the entire movie. Her charcater is supposed to be a style icon, but from the guy perspective, I don't really see it... your gonna need more than a stylish hat to dress up a face that looks like Seabiscuit. Gina said she was voted the 2nd ugliest woman in Hollywood, I'm guessing she falls only to Roseanne Barr. But anyway, in the movie her character grossly over reacts to her future husband's cold feet and the whole movie is about her picking up the pieces with the help of some good friends, and some hackneyed humor. Eventually she does get married and the story book is complete.

"

Mr. Big" - As I think I made pretty clear, I don't find SJP to be pretty. But I dont think he is anything to look at either... so it's kind of a believable pairing. I like his character though and I think he would have had every right to not take her back. Of course that isnt the case b/c otherwise it wouldnt be a chick flick... it be believable.

 

Jennifer Hudson- has a body like Ernie Hudson.

 

Miranda- I think if i were to relate to any character on the show... it would be her. She is boring, methodical, hairy and lesbionic. She is also unforgiving, and has kind of a harsh attitude at times. Aside from the red hair she sounds like me, oddly enough I hate her though.

 

Kim Catrell / Samantha - I don't get this character at all. Most girls think that if a girl is with 2 guys in 1 year they are sluts.... but then why is this character so beloved? Not to mentuin she's got a deep voice that goes with her deep throught. Plus in the movie she is 50 years old (god only knows about real life). She should be shopping for a caufiin not a flower shaped diamond ring. Plus the break up at the end with her and her b/f was so unbelievable. Bad language and violence is enevitable with break ups over 2 years... anything less is bulder-dash.

 

Charolotte - The best of the worst. She is the only girl I could actually see being friends with. She is really sweet, why she is friends with the others is beyond me.

 

Overall the movie was lack luster. I felt it dragged at (all) times. I liked Jennifer Hudson's character but I am not sure how true to life that would be. I feel like they just added that character to try and reach another demographic. Like I said it wasn't the worst movie I saw- but I recommend Sarah Marshall or Iron Man over this one.. but I am a guy... what do I know.

Summer, summer, summer time.

 It's just about that time of year again....

And like every summer, I have the dubious honor of labeling the season. Unfortunately the obvious names have already been used so I had to drill a bit deeper for this year's title. For this year I wanted a name that encumpasses an abundance of fun activities, but I want it to also have an element of danger to it... because as I remember that was the key to last year's phenominal summer (Summer of Sin). So after a minute of deep thinking, I was able to come up with a new title... Drum roll please.....

This years summmer is........: The Summer of STD....

Or its longer title...The Summer of "Something To Do".

I know it's not as flashy as prior years. and it might take some getting used to... but I think it's a fitting title.

I dont think any of us have any big plans, but I do want to keep myself busy and if something unexpected happens, it happens.....

I have created a small list of summer activities and I hope too keep adding more to the list.

If you got any suggestions or are interested in these, let me know.

Things to do:

- Boston / Cape Cod

- Rafting

- Riding to the beach (continuously)

- Fishing

- Yankee Stadium Tour / Yankee baseball

- Mets game (final season)

- Beach days

- Mountain Creek

- Jets Training Camp

Maybes:

- Summer Concert (Beach Boys if they play?)

- Beer Garden

- Hawaii (really wishful thinking)

...and when the smoke clears.

Aside from looking like a 25 year old version of the principal from "Back to The Future", I don't feel like I am getting older. Sure, I can't run around for hours like I used to, or fit into my old school velcro sneakers, but I still feel young at heart....However, after needing a whole weeknd to recover from an overnight trip to Atlantic City, I can tell I am not as youthful as I used to be. In all fairness though, I think this was the best trip since the original. Filled with laughs, shennanigans, and bafoonery.

 

For sake of nostalgia, let me try to summarize the trip: Myself, Bert, and Boye took the early train in. We left at about noon on a drizzly day. Jimmy was driving the ship and Bert and I were along for the ride. We seemingly made pretty good time, only hititng a small patch of traffic. Once in AC, we decided to hit up the AC Bar and Grill, which has become one of my favorite outside eateries. It probably equates to a local long island diner but in a place where money is tighter than Jon Contino's pants.. you learn to appreciate it. I had the mushroom pizza - for those of you wondering, ehhh- but I've certainly had worse. I was so hungry I could have eaten "a sadnwich from a gas station." : >

 

After eating, we hit the casino. We ran into the db formally known as "Shaolin". He along with the rest of MacArthur was there for the Sleshinger Fight. After a small "stop and chat" we dispersed, Boye hit the roulette table (where he was cleaning up) and Bert and I hit the slots. I had my usual zero luck, while Bert was managing to stay afloat. I tried to pace myself, knowing how easy it is to lose the whole bank roll in a matter of minutes. A couple drinks and a few twenties later we all met up again and decided to pre it up.. That was in essence the calm before the storm because once Tony, Scott, Brad and Mike Wildes arrived; things started to heat up.

 

Bert was a little loaded,and combine that with a riled up bunch of hooligans... that spells fun. Our room was turned upside down before we entered it. Bert somewhat provoked, somewhat not, started to show off the freak retard strength- by pushing every one in the room. Things got a little tense, when horseplay turned violent.. MFW landed a spinning back fist on Bertie.. but luckily cooler heads prevailed. The party then spilled back out to roulette table as everyone (except me and boye) put a hundo on black and won. More gambling ensued for the remainder of the evening, between there the poker room, black jack tables and video poker/slots. I then decided to rock the Casbah for a few, just to see what the hooplah was all about. I had a decent time in there but the real fun came soon after.

 

We all headed up to the rooms, all but MFW (who aside from the Shonie Carter impression, wasn't in the room all night.,,,living up to the title "Mike Fuckin Wildes"). In the room we tried to get some shut eye- but no1 could sleep. Between girls gone wild promos, Bert's limburger cheese feet, and everyone's fear of pranks no-one was ready to call it a night. We then got notice that Brad had "fallen asleep" in the other room. Once we got in the room, we saw some "smoke" and a "smoke detector" started to go off... a real elaborate scheme. Me, brad and bert left the room for safety, every1 else stayed in. Part 2 of the scheme had every1 found face down dead lol. After that prank we all attempted to sleep once again, but the fog machne made its way into our room and more "smoke" filled our room.

 

So much smoke that the real alarm went off! And let me tell you that shit is loud. We tried to muffle it, fan it, take it off- but it wouldnt stop. ..soon Security made its way to the room...The name tag said Ulyssis but he called himself "Mack". Luckily he had a sense of humor and after using our facilities, and once the smoke alarm stopped.. he went on his way. We then decided to play a trick on Tony who high tailed it, not only out of the room but all the way to the casino floor. We told him security kicked us out and the prank had a nice pay off as he grabbed the phone in cocnern only to find out no1 was on the other end.

 

I think i got like 40 mins of total sleep after that, even though I scored a whole bed to myself. It is impossible to wind down after a fun night like that. And to think I was considering not coming.