Headstrong

Yesterday's entry was the culmination of a lot of bullshit. I had to vent a little bit but i realized that its not worth it. Bottom line is that some people just need to grow up, including myself. I gotta wake up, and smell the coffee. I cant let immaturity get the best of me anymore. I'm better than that.  "Let the garbage men handle the garbage"

Last night i went to James' house to kinda escape the head games (and to see G-UNIT before she leaves)! We wound up getting ice-cream at Coldstone and playing a board game called "Cranium". Sweet irony!!! Anyway it was a lot of fun and it cemented what i should have already known.

In the words of Tony Soprano; "To all that i love, and nothing else matters."

Today i went to my aunts house to pick up my Grandpa and bring him home. He didnt look too good to me. He seemed irritable and moody for some reason. I don't know why but i can only hope that being back home will allow him to feel like his old self. As long as his herats strong i guess everything else is secondary but id love to see him joke around again.

Funny story - when i was in the car with my aunt taking my Grandpa home, a bicyclist was riding by and we gave him the ok to ride in front of the car and hes about to thank us with his hand when he slips and plummets hard to the ground. We had no choice but to drive away and laugh about it. LOL, I guess you hada be there.

i didnt work out again today- i feel disappointed in myself. i think ill do a little excercising here but im gonna have to kick it up a notch tomorrow.

Quotables: If these walls could talk... you'd hear the sound of fat women saying, "Call me."

South Oaks

I'm in one of those moods

I dunno why i am pissed i just am. Maybe its the long day at work. Maybe its the fact i didnt workout. Maybe its cuz i ate so unhealthy today. Maybe its cuz my Grandpa still doesnt look back to normal. Or maybe i just hate life. Too many things just piss me off, so much of people's trivial bullshit. Sometimes i wish i could just go to peoples houses, knock on their door and just slug them in the face. I dream about that.

Quotables:  I'm like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to shit.

It's Been a While

I know i know, i have really been slackin with my entries lately but  I have been pretty busy with my new work out regiment. Its taken the place of my aol time. My wrist is killing me though so i might have to take it easy for a few days. its the left wrist, the one that i had surgery on so i cant screw around with it.

My 1st summer class is almost done, i only i have 1 more full week and then im done . My first test was awful- i totally blanked out on it, the second test i blanked out on 1 part and missed a whole section. So lets just say i need to do well on the final. It sux though cuz i should be running an A in this class instead ill be fighting for a B.

Other than that not too much is new.... pretty sad, right?

Quotables: "You only live once and once is enough."

Tidbits n Shits

Well its been a couple of days but their isnt too much to write about.

The most important thing is that my Grandpa looks like hes coming out of the hospital for good today. He'll be staying at my aunts house for a few days until he is able to be on his own. He's already walking better and hes got his spirits up so who can ask for more than that? I'm glad hes able to spend fathers day with his family and not at some hospital.

I think im gonna take the day off from working out. I've got 3 reasons why lol. My legs are achy,  my left arm cant fully extend, and my partner isnt workin out either. I tell ya i wish i could say i see a difference, but instead i feel it and i dont like what i feel.

I washed my car the other day. I scrubbed it, rinsed it, vacummed it, and just when i was about to take it off the driveway a bird drops me a special gift right onto the center of the hood. I swear to God i have no luck at all!

Played cards again last night- im starting not to enjoy it. Thier is always an arguement and poor Bert is always getting picked on for how he plays. Even if he loses 50 bucks hes still being criticized for how he plays. It really isnt fair.

Quotables: Women say they have sexual thoughts too. They have no idea. It's the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. If they knew what we were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping us.

Sore Loser

My mood today is sore. I woke up this morning, rolled over and gave a high pitched shriek. It's not an unbearable pain but its certainly not a pleasent feeling. I 'm dreading going back to work out again tonight but i really have to. I'm so far behind my friends that its embarassing. Im crappin out on 70lb weights and they are banging out 140s.

My grandpa was placed back in the hospital yesterday. He suffered a mini stroke on tuesday and just to be on the safe side he's been placed in Good Sam. hospital, I'm really thinking hes gonna be ok. Everytime i see him he looks good so thats reason enough to make me think positively.

I played cards last night and i offically lost 2 bucks (hence the title). But Tony gave me the money to make me break even. Whatta guy! The most i ever won was 67 bucks and the most i ever lost was like 45, but that was in the early days. now i keep a record of my wins and loses to see where all my money has gone. My grand total winnings is about 275.

Quotables: I would do anything to have a body like Vin Diesel, except of Course eat right and work out.

Iron Mike

This summer i planned on getting in shape, I set my goals but I never really acted on them. My plan was to work out on my own at my own pace. Well that ship has sailed. I wasnt getting any results and i was so unmotivated. Today after a half hour of convinsing James, Bert and Brad finally got me to go work out at the NYSC. Now they along with scott have been trying to get me to work out for months but i wouldnt do it but tonight they were relentless and since im a team player- i did it.I'm glad i did.

My first day was not only humbling but also embarassing. I was floppin around all over the place. Sweating buckets and my vains were poppin out like a heroine junky. I know i'm gonna need A LOT of work to get to where all my friends are, (plus the wrist injury hinders me a lot so i must be careful of that) but i want to do it. I want to look back and see great progress and laugh about how weak/ out of shape i was.

Things just got real, Mission impossible is now in place.

Quotables: I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Home-Work

I'm writing about something today that i have been thinking about a lot recently. One of my friends brought up this topic lately and its all i've been thinking of. The topic is how people dont appreciate their parents.

A lot of kids my age are liberated. They arent bounded by rules and strict parents, they have the freedom to go anywhere and do anything but to be honest I really envy those kids. I wish my parents, my dad especially was cool enough to let me do whatever. If i wanna lay out and get a tan he'd yell at me to come help him sweep the street or cultivate the dirt. If i wanted to work out hed say "help me wash these cars- that'll work u out". Basically i have little to no liberties. I am a slave at this house. I still have a curfew, i still do chores around the house every weekend and i work like a dog everyday just so i dont have to hear shit from my dad but no matter what, i always do. I go to work to relax.

Today for example, i came home from school, got a quick bite to eat then ran to CVS to drop off some pictures for my dad, went to the bank and then dropped off the tuxedos from Sat's wedding. Then came home watered the lawn as my dad came home. We went to my grandpas house to get his mail and put out the garbage. Then we came home did loads of yard work. Ate dinner. I cleaned off the table and loaded the dishwasher. yada yada yada- i didnt stop working today till 7 pm..why ?cuz thats how i was raised. Am i appreciated? probably not to the extent that i should be but i dont say anything b/c their my parents. They help me out financially, they gave me life and they give me shelter. Id go to the depths of hell for then and wouldnt expect a thank u cuz thats what kids should do for their parents.

Some people are spoiled rotten. They do nothing but bitch and complain about the lack of food in the house but they dont go shooping. They complain about the condition of things in the house but they never pick up a hammer or a screwdriver. Its one thing to be allowed to do whatever but when u dont appreciate the freedom ur parents have given u- thats a horse of a diffrent color. Now maybe b/c i dont have any freedom- thats why i feel so strongly about this but i think every1 should feel the same way.

Quotables: A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

 

Wedding

Yesterday i went to my cousin Raquel's wedding. And as i mentined before- i cant stand weddings. To me weddings are equivalent to funerals.For both functions i have to get dressed up and have to be uncomortable the whole time. But as far as weddings go this one was really nice. She looked beautiful (all my cousins did) and thier wasnt any gay electric slide or anything like that. Also no throwing of the bouquet which was a pleasent surprise cuz id only run to the bathrooom at that point anyway. I'm happy to report i cant think of anything bad to say about it, they did a really nice job and their was even a lot of cute looking ladies at the wedding too.  But to the new couple, i wish them all the best.

The food was really good especially the cocktail hour. One thing i cant stand (i knew i could find something to complain about) is being served by the waitors at the food tables. I like self serve buffets. Their is nothing more annoying then getting shrimp 2 at a time and saying "more please", "more please", "more please". Just put little signs infront of the food and let people go to work. Thats what i say.

Next year my cousin Phyllis, the bride's sister, will be getting married. Guess who has the honor of being in the wedding party...me! I'm not sarcastic when i say that, i really am honored that she'd pick me and im happy to be invovlved with that wedding. Her and her fiance Richie make a great couple. Hopefully i'll have a date for that and i better work on my dancing cuz i got 2 left feet.

Today i slept late (the wedding till 2am) and then went to my grandpas house to do some yard work. We trimmed his bushes and did the lawn then went my aunts house, where he is recovering. So that took up all my day. I'm behind on all my errands which i have to take care of tomorrow. I am really slackin on my hw cuz of all the unexpected events but hopefully i cant recover from it with a good grade.

Quotables: Do u think the maker of my tuxedo would have pressed on if he knew a head like mine would have popped out of it. Cuz I don't, i think he would have stopped right there.

Wedding Hellz

My plans of going to the beach were quickly scrapped once i learned that i had to take my mom to the doctor and visit my grandpa. Gramp is lookin better and better everyday.

As for me, im ok. I'm absolutely dreading waking up tomorrow. I have my cousin's wedding to go to and although i love my cousin I HATE WEDDINGS. So many fake smiles and unwanted socializing. Its a black tie affair too so thats double the torture. Not only do i have to say hello to people that i will not see for another 5 yrs i have to be uncomfortable too. My wedding (if any1 would ever marry me) isnt going to be extravogant. My wedding is gonna be wrestling themed and have hamburgers and hotdogs as the main course and midget strippers. Just kidding about that, i dont even wanna think about getting married it'll just make me depressed. But i will say its gonna be small and painless. I guarantee it.

Im so tired though. I had no energy today. I stayed up last night watching the Celebrity Poker Showdown and a wrestling tape. Wow that didnt seem dumb at the time but now that i wrote it i see just how pathetic that really is lol.

I took an evil test, and here are the results: Boy were they off!

Quotables: Do u think the rednecks are pissed now that they lost the mullet to the lesbians?

Blah

I have work today and i really dont wanna go. I like the job and the people are great but i just feel like i should be somewhere else- doing something thats gonna benefit me when i finish school- which isnt too far away. Plus the money isnt great either. I have a college degree so i should be gettin paid some nice cheese, but im not. One day i'll figure out what to do and then hopefully everything will fall into place.

I took a test today and it was rough. I should have studied more cuz i know all the material i just blanked out during the test so hopefuilly he'll give me some partial credit.

The weather has been beautiful lately but i have been inside for most of the day. i think maybe Friday ill catch some rays outside or maybe even head to the beach.

Quotables: There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook

Friends

I have major issues. I know that, u know that, i think the world knows that. I have problems understanding things, problems communicating and self esteem problems. But 1 problem i dont have is bad friends, and im not just saying that cause a few of them read this garbage, im saying it cuz its true. They are my family. I am having a good time this summer just hangin out wit them.

However, most of them have g/fs and i realize that i'm one of the few that doesnt. I dont need a g/f right now though and i really dont want 1 (which is prob. fortunate for me cuz i  couldnt get 1). Their are several reasons why i say this. 1) b/c of the obvious. i've given up on myself. I'm outta shape, i've got a nose that so pointy i could open letters with it and a hair line thats recedes so far back that the only place i could grow an afro is on my ass. 2) is my lack of success with the opposite sex. Now i know people have broken up b4 but few have had similar stories as mine. I dont wanna dip in to that now maybe another night but the jist of it is every girl that i have ever been close to has come around to bite me in the ass in 1 form or another. Which leads to 3) i have major trust issues with people. And for good reason.

I think i have grown up alot these past few yrs,  i have made a lotta mistakes along the way some ill make again and some i wont but through it all i have learned a great deal. I have learned who is trustworthy and dependable. Those people are few and far in between and thats why i call them my friends and thats why i dont associate with any1 else. Some people may surprise me and some people will never surprise me cuz they'll never grow up. So for that reason i'll stick with the few friends i have and end it there. So if i havent spoken to u in while and ur reading this now- dont be offended but ur prob dead to me.

I stand alone, but my friends stand behind me.

If i may quote myself: I'm not anti-social, i just hate most people.

Heart ATTACK

Last night was absolutelty insane, pure madness i tell you. Listen up. I went to visit my Grandfather at the hospital at 7 o'clock. Visititing hours end at 8:00, i was there till 9:45. The reason? Brace urself..Their are 5 people in this room all of which are heart patients. One patient awoke from his sedatition and became restless. Now when i say restless i dont mean was talking loud and squirming in his bed I meann flat out BONKERS. This guy was up , throwing things, screaming obsenitites. The nurses were chasing after him with his I.V.  and begging him to remain calm. He wouldnt though,  he through potted plants, sheets, a hot cup of coffee, u name it. My Grandfather's suggestion to stop this guy was to punch him in the heart 2 times- gotta love him lol. Anyway the guy was still on a rampage- he went over to a neighboring patient and started tugging at his I.V. and medications. THE MAN WET HIS BED! My dad- who has a loud booming voice- walked over to the guy and yelled in his face. Now when my dad yells people listen, i know i do. So he did retreat for a little bit but this guy couldnt be stopped. They called in security but the guards look to be older and more out of shape then the patients so they were of no assistance.Finally they sedated him again- strapped him down and after repeated complaints- he was finally shipped out. Now can u believe that? these people have just had heart surgery- their heart rate is being monitored- something like this is enough to give some1 with a strong ticker a heart attack. Well i thought it was a crazy story- just thought id share it with all 3 of my readers lol. I had plans to go to the movies but those got shot down and the rest of my night wasnt all up hill- a little drama at the festival involving scott, brad, and myself but the nite wasnt a total loss we did manage to complete a mission that will bring us joy for months to come.

Quotables: I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

P.S. Today i got mail! Its for some poetry contest that i entered a while ago. They are inviting me to philadelphia to be with other "poets" at some huge conventionwhere im elibible to win prizes. Fat chance ill attend but it was a cool feeling. Ill keep u posted if i win anything and maybe 1 day ill put a poem up on this bad boy. Dont expect anything good though i havent written a good poem since high school. 

Mail Call

Everyday i wait for my mailman (Bruce) to come and bring the mail. I have a good relationship with him but I kinda feel like i have to. He brings me things and i dont give him anything in return (or if i do, its only another letter in which he has to deliver- so im giving him more work). I feel like im using him SO i always say hello to him and talk briefly about the weather or whatever. Very nice guy, very personable. But everyday after our little chat its the same thing, i rummage through the mail in search of a letter adressed to me but i'm always dissappointed. Most days i get absolutely nothing but other days i get bills, credit card applications, or Kathryn Gibb College letters. I dont know what i expect to see. All my friends and family are local but i still anticipate an unexpected letter from someone. Maybe a letter stating that i have a secret admirer or a letter from a long lost cousin thats stranded in Budapest and in need of help. But no such luck. Its getting to the point where im actually mad at Bruce for not giving me mail.

Quotables: Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

Schizoid

Little drama last night when me and my friend "dood love" found out that the 8:30 class that we signed up for was actually at night instead of the morning like we origianlly thought. So we hadda get signed into the morning class, not a big deal but a little embarassing. The class itself isnt bad, a little dry but math is always boring so i just hope we get through it. The professor desnt seem like a "shitgoose" so thats always good.

Yeah, so i took a personality test just to further prove something that i already knew...im f'd up. The results showed that i am a Schizoid: People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

I wish i could just dismiss it but i see a lotta truth in that and thats a lil freaky. I dont wanna be a Schizioid! 

Tomorrow my Grandpa goes for surgery and my brother graduates from college and stupid me i forgot to take off of work so i wont be able to be around for either one. I'm a little dissapointed in myself. Thats like the 40th dumb move i made this week. I'm an abortion gone wrong.

My friend Matt came down from Saint Thomas for a few days but i didnt get a chance to see him. With my Grandpa sick and my lack of sleep from Atlantic City we were unable to meet up. I feel like such a bad friend cuz he only comes home like 3 times a yr and hes one of my best friends so it sux.

Quotables: "I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it and chipped a tooth."