King of Long Island

I've been seeing/hearing a lot of ads for people running for office in Conn.and it has really gotten me thinking. Don't get me wrong folks, I hate politics, i hate it with a passion and i think its primarily because the topics that politicians talk about don't really have a direct impact on my life. So then i started to ponder what issues i'd be conserned with and i eventually came up with a small list of issues that i feel focus on aspects of society that have sort of been tossed aside like a skinny kid in gym football. So here is my plan, if i were to run long island....

My first act as King of Long Island (its a new position that i just created), would be to eliminate a large number of diseases. I know what you're thinking..."how are u gonna do that- ur not a chemist or a skilled physician...how are u gonna come up with a cure?" well the answer to that is simple..I'm not. The reason i'm not coming up with a cure is because a large portion of the "diseases" aren't real diseases. I think a wise comedian once said that any disease you get yelled at for having- is not a real disease...for example...damn ir Ralph ur an alcholic...doesn't sound the same as damn it ralph u have lupis..one of them just doesnt seem right...and its so true. People drink cuz they like to drink, not because its a genetic disease. Alcoholics may have a lack of will power but thats not a disease, its a life choice. I know a lot of people who have fell to temptation but i dont consider them diseased, instead they fall under the category of being a sissy. They may even drink cuz they wanna kill themselves, and again i call them sissys. Charlie Rocket comitted suiside recently- a lot of u don't know who he is and thats probably a large reason why he sliced open his neck and turned himself into a pez dispensor. I give him credit it though, he was a man about it. He went into the woods and did what he felt like he had to do, unlike Alchoholics who prolong their lives just to get sympathy and put their loved ones through hell. (sidenote: as King of LI...suicide isnt only legal its also encouraged for all lowlifes).  Gambling is another one- its not a disease..people like to bet b/c it gives them a rush...loike people who ride on roller coasters yet their is no disease for those people. I like to eat a lot of peanut butter b/c it tastes good and its high in protein...do i have a problem? am i diseased...no its retarded.

Obesity is another "disease" that we can just wipe off the old disease chalk board. If Ghandi (however u spell his name) can go on a hunger strike for weeks to prove a point, than fat people can go on a hunger strike for a couple of days to lose some extra baggage. If you weigh 700 lbs you're not diseased, you're disgusting..and i suggest you start sweating to the oldies and stop acting so helpless. I cant tell you how many times i've seen these MTV shows that try and make us feel bad for fat people...maybe there is something wrong with me- but i have no sympathy for them. People are battling real diseases like Aids and Cancer, but isntead of worrying about them..fat people want all the attention.Well no more- fat people are now labeled as such. they aren't obese, or portly, or even out of shape...nope, they are fat and in some instances "over the top- make you throw up ur lunch type of fat". AS KoLI fat people who want sympathy will be arrested and punioshed by being spit on by clergy men and hospital patients.

I know i'm not winning a lot of peoples votes right now- but i feel as if i have to tell it how i see it cuz our states men and women are going through life with their blinders on. Another thing that isnt going to get me votes is snipers..I FRIGEN LOVE THEM!!!! When that father and son team were picking people off a few years ago- i have to admit- i was glued to the tube. I didn't want those bastards to get caught. It was like watching Silence of the Lambs in real life... must see TV. Now i'm not promoting sniping out innocent men and women- thats just wrong..but if we could harnass that into something good then i think we'd be on to something...and i got it! We need snipers to take out the troublesome gangs and and criminals. I've devised a plan that will enable the snipers to patrol our streets, keeping us safe..They'll be hidden everywhere...on subways, in churchs, on top of buildings, and in trees...and if a criminal even thinks if trying something funny- he'll be filled with more wholes than swiss cheese. All these break-in on long island aren't gonna happen on my watch buddy!!!

Another group that will get sniped out are people with umbrellas...i got to admit this isnt for any legal issue, its just a pet peeve of mine. But i gotta ask, am i the only one who hate people who use umbrellas? I'm not talking about those people who walk the city streets on their way to work- u guys are safe. I'm talking about the people who get out of their cars, put up the umbrella and walk 10 feet to their buildings..i'm sorry but these people have to go. Most of the time it's not even a heavy down poor..i can understand the heavy rain but a mist? Nope, they deserve to feel reign of death!! Do they really think they are that precious that they cant get a little water on them...are they made of sugar or something? Have no fear folks, I've created a team...the WETS.... "Weather Empowered Team of Snipers"..they will go to random sites and if people are seen running with umbrellas they will be dropped like people on the board game "guess who?" It's the only way to end this madness. People will be warned though... on rainy days people are advised to turn on their radios b/c a Wets warning will be in effect.

Thats really just a small tidbit of the topics i'd be lobbying for. i know a lot of people may not fully stand behind my topics- but i'm sure you must agree with a lot of them