VIEWER MAIL

By now you're all familiar with why i started this journal, so i'll spare u the history lesson. I know their is nothing more boring than hearing the same stories over and over again. My grandfather loves to tell me the story of how he "watched the fights last night"- everytime i see him its a different fight but ironically enough the same story. By the end of the night he's snoring on the couch which leads me to believe that he only says that story to bore himself to sleep. But anyway, at the risk of boring you guys with some repittion....here we go....when i started this mama jamma, i only knew of a couple of people that actually took the time to read it. It was kinda like top secret shit, i remember describing it as "like fight club." (BTW- u know ur a loser when u start to quote urself)... i liked a small audience b/c i knew i didnt have to tip toe around border line contovercial subjects. I could shoot from the hip, tell it like it is, bite the bullet or whatever 1960's expression u wanna use. I didnt sugar coat anything and i spoke about whatever i wanted no matter how embarassing or evil they may have sounded. That's kinda why I didnt promote it. You never saw an e-mail with the link and i never  threw it on my away message. I simply created a link somewhere and had people find it on their own. If they liked it great, if not- even better. But now it seems like the secret is out. I've assembled a small army of viewers. Ehh, maybe thats the wrong choice of words- What army, besides the Swiss, is in the high single digits? it may seem humorous to u guys but its a significant amount for me.  I dont have 100 people on my buddy list, i have a fraction of that. To make a long story short, basically all im saying is that i didnt know how may people wasted part of their days reading this. I'm still gonna try and be as truthful as i can, i just hope u guys enjoy readin it.

So with all that being said i'm going in a different route today. The Talk Soup route, b/c I'm taking the time to answer some viewer mail. That's right kiddies, we are going interactive today. I'm not gonna name names but i'm going to retort or some of the comments that have been said about me or to me. Are u ready cuz here we go....

Topic 1- I'm "too hard" on myself...I'm not gonna spend too muych time on this topic b/c i feel its rather stupid. i write how i feel, if i'm depressed mywritting is going to come off that way. Sometimes i say things in jest and arent meant to be taken literally..but i'll grant u one thing my self esteem was never high to begin with. It's a genetic defect like down syndrome...i'm just ugly on the inside..which is a perfect segway for topic 2.... 

Topic 2- Apparently  i'm "gong to hell" for some of the stuff i wrote...I really didnt get an exact quote on what he or she was referring to but it could have been my love for snipers, feelings on suicide, or maybe my haterd for "my arch nemisis"...All decent points however i think i have a better counterpoint.... I'm not going to say i was only kidding with some of the stuff i say cuz theirs always that 1 person who says "with every joke their is some truth to it" and i do agree with that...kind of, i alluded to it before....but my main counterpoint is....I was voted nicest to know in high school lol j/k. Although i do feel, if i'm going to hell- im going to see all of you bastards there eventually!!! (God forbid)...Truthfully, I'm not going to hell. I think the Lord owes that to me. I've taken too much of people's shit not to get a free pass into heaven. I'm telling you right now if i am in Hell it's b/c heaven was too cold and i wanted to get some heat....  I really feel that I live my life in a very decent manner. For example, I dont get road rage, I say god bless you when people sneeze,  and i don't give store employees attitudes when somethings not in stock. The bottom line is I try and be as pollite as possible towards my fellow species. If everyone lived that way- i think this world would be a much better place. A lot of people do much worse than what  i say/write. Their is a big difference between wishing somone was "shot in the face with a bazooka" than actually going out and doing it. I'm not a do-er, i don't even do the dew. I'm a paper warrior but a human punching bag..and if God doesn't reward me for that..their is going to be trouble...I mean really- if i wind up in the same place as dirtbags and rapists- I'm gonna be pretty damn pissed..too bad i wont be able to write abut it.

Topic 3- I guess people thought i was kidding when i said i dont want love advice...yeah- kinda not kidding....in fact i couldnt be more serious if i was howard stern (get it sirius?.ehhh??). If i wanted advice i'd ask Dear Abby or Dr. Ruth Brothers...on second thought- no i wouldnt...and can we talk bout them for a second. Obviously i'm not old enough to know what they looked like when they were young. I hope to hell they were attractive otherwise it makes their jobs even less credible, but take it from me...people who write long drawn out pieces of literature every week are not experts in love their not experts on anything. If anything they are the loneliest people in the world. I'm living proof....But back to my original point, I dont want to get hooked up with a friend of urs, a sister or anyone. The fact is I had my eyes on someone who i deemed as special,  it didnt happen and that's it...I'll live and i'll probably love again....although i'm not too optimistic about that. But i have found a way too embrace being single..i would even venture to say that being unattached is proably the best thing for me. Why? well its not the fact that i'm home again on a friday nite but b/c I get to save some money and create a nice little nest for the future...I know real estate and engagement rings are expensive so i'd like to be able to have something for the future. I' m a planner...thats what i'm about. My new years resolution/year plan was to graduate from college, get a job and get a g/f....2 out of 3 aint bad. But I'm not saying my eyes are closed to love but my ears are. I dont want any advice/help...I'll do it my way and i'm sure one day it'll all click together...hows that for optimism.

The last and final topic is Myspace.... Holy shit has this thing taken off or what? People have suggested that i "join" which right there kinda turns me off. I dont wanna "join" anything... unless its the Jessica Alba fan club. The whole concept of me being part of a large network of people looking for new friends is the complete antithesis of what i've been preaching all these years. Its very similar to a Catholic priest giving a hand job to a gay man while reading the koran...I dont wanna meet new people- i'm already trying to avoid people i know. Besides as it is i spend way too much time online and from what i've seen..myspace is an addiction. And this goes for all u facebookers too- its all the same shit...but i dont wanna piss all over ur parade b/c i understand it. I'm not gonna lie i've logged on under my friends name and i checked it out- i can see what the buzz is about. Plus i know dating is tough- its like a desert out there. So if u wanna try this- good for u- best of luck to u. But-I just dont want throw my picture up there and be part of the madness..Every guy has the same picture. They just did 100 push ups and then run to the camera and snap a quick "check me out" pic...The girls always try and be sexy and their is always that 1 mirror shot with the flash on.  In my humble opinion Myspace is a fad, it's the modern day snap-bracelet or the tail..remember that god awful thing??- In fourth grade the back of everyone's heads looked like a Billy Ray Sirus concert..but thats all it is to me and i dont wanna get rapped up in it.